Why?

I was really hoping I wouldn't want have to go through another valley again... I know God puts things in our lives to test our faith and trust in Him, for us to rely fully on Him and to use our life experiences to bring honor and glory to Him, ultimately. 

Sometimes, I wonder why me? Why us? Why is this happening again? I know "there's a reason for everything," and really- there is... It's just so hard to understand why at the time. 

I am beginning to see reasons why maybe we lost our last precious baby. We just learned a month or so ago that Eric's dad has cancer. We know it's in the lungs and we know it's in the advanced stages. We are still waiting on several tests and results to determine the treatment course. We were told he probably had less than a year to live. But we also know that not even the best physicians know when someone will die. We have seen him begin to go down hill and not feeling well but then there are other days he has good days. We aren't sure of the future, but we know He does and we must trust Him. Our little baby would be due in just about a month. I'm completely DREADING that day, but thankfully, we will have just gotten to the beach for a much needed week away. I know that will help keep our minds off the saddness and "what ifs." 

I can't help but think what the next few months may hold... And I also can't imagine going through such difficult times with a newborn (AGAIN!) When Collins was born, we had a lot happen in just a few weeks time span. It was truly one of the hardest times in my life. But with His grace, love and mercy, He allowed us to persevere day to day and pulled us out of the pit we fell in so quickly. 

So, with several close friends delivering in the next month to two months ( their second- just like I should have), while being around 3 pregnant girls at a two year olds birthday and hearing all that "talk" and while seeing all the pregnancy announcements (may I just mention, there were 3 in one day and probably 8 within the last month I've seen), I MUST remind myself- His plan far exceeds mine. It's His will and not mine. Geez, it's so hard though! It's a constant struggle in my mind and heart. One day, hopefully sooner than later, we will see His plan for our lives and family revealed. In the meantime, I ask for support, love and prayer for the next few months, as I know they are going to be difficult, in more ways than one. And if you find yourself in a valley, continue to press forward and trust in Him to guide your footsteps.