June 23, 2012

June 23, 2012... a date that will always hold a special place in my heart- the day our sweet baby was suppose to be born. As I said in my last post, this past Mother's Day was a little difficult for me. Back in October, we found out we were pregnant! (this was on a Sunday night)I was so excited, I couldn't believe it! I was getting ready for bed, took a bath and decided I'd just take a test- it was positive! I wanted to run in the next room and shout it to Eric, but I knew I had something special for him for when that time came, so I waited. I quickly bathed and went and found my perfect surprise for him. Since we were living in an apartment at this time, we had seperate bathrooms, so I went and displayed the willow tree figurine of the dad holding a baby, a picture frame that said 'Daddy and Me' and the positive pregnancy test with a little note beside it. This was the night of one of the play-off Cardinal games, so Eric was glued to the T.V. until it was over. Finally around 10:30 he came on to bed.. and of course, I had to wait up on him to see his expression! Can you imagine how excited we were!? I couldn't stop thinking about names, baby furniture, how I would decorate a nursery and the list goes on...We had already told some of our closest friends and actually had our parents and my sister over for dinner the following Saturday to share the exciting news! But, then just hours later, we woke up for church and I knew something wasn't right. I was having some bleeding. I knew this couldn't be good or normal. I was very upset and told Eric about it. He insisted we go on to church, so we did. We didn't make it to Sunday School, because I could tell something just wasn't right and I was continuing to bleed pretty bad. We went home and I just cried. I didn't eat, I didn't do anything, but lay in bed and think "why- is this really happening to me, maybe I am just having some early pregnancy bleeding, maybe everything will still be ok." But I knew better. I called the doctor on our L&D unit that is there all the time and shared what was going on. He told me to just wait it out and call to make an appointment with my dr. the following morning. So that's what I did. I am so thankful Eric was home with me on that Sunday morning. He was suppose to work, but had swapped his days so he could be here with his parents in town. The Lord knew all along that I was going to need his support that day, and boy did he do a good job! I am so thankful to have such a Godly, caring and thoughtful husband. I went in that Monday morning. Eric went with me. We had some blood drawn and we left. I was to follow up in a couple of days for repeat blood work, but they assumed I had miscarried and told me what to expect. So I stayed home for a few days... I wasn't really up for much of anything. I remember on that night, Eric was doing something late for work and wasn't home so my mom and sister came over and brought me my favorite food- Newk's! Kristy brought me some pretty flowers and the sweetest card! I spent the next day or so at home and finally went back to the dr. I believe on that Wednesday. Thursday I was ready to get out of the house and start over... I started it off with breakfast with sweet friends, Whitney and Laine and we spent the day making some freezer meals for the afternoon. I went back to work on Friday, and boy, was that hard! Being around pregnant women all day... That was our short journey through pregnancy... I know our baby was very short lived and I wasn't far along at all, but I still had a baby and was still pregnant, so the loss hurt like any loss would. I think about how things would be now if I had carried that baby. We would be at home with about a month old baby boy or girl at this time... oh how hard it is. I know God has a plan for Eric and me. I know it's going to be grand! He has blessed us so much already and I know he's not giving up on us. I can't wait to see when and what, but for now, patience is my constant prayer. I hope you have enjoyed reading my post, sharing in happiness and sorrow with me- it seems just like yesterday all this happened. I remember so vividly all the details. Please continue to pray for us as we walk this long, hard journey... (We actually go to the dr. this week to begin some counseling with my OB-GYN in order to take the next step- I will fill you in once that appointment comes)